You're not your guru

I used to be in love with this idea of being trained by a guru. A master of the arts. Someone who’s figured it out. Someone who’s attained it. Whatever it is.

It started with my parents, and then eventually teachers, bosses, peers, therapists, coaches.

At first, I’d enter this person’s world and just admire them. Their existence gave me comfort that I was on the right path. “He’s me in the future, so everything’s gonna be alright if I just do that”.

But this would not last forever. As soon as I recognized values in this person that were different to mine, part of my identity came crashing down. Wait, this person is teaching me X but they also do Y?! I felt unsafe, uncertain.

I could not admit to myself that I found these conflicting ideas hard to process. How can I trust someone with my time, and most importantly, hope, if they’re WRONG about X?

The first time it happened was with my dad. This was the most perfect masculine figure I had known my entire life. I wanted to emulate him as much as possible.

But at some point, I don’t know when, I started to see him as a person like any other, a flawed human. I started to see his unique perspective as an attack on my identity I had so carefully copied. “Future me” was at risk.

I had been planning to be my dad 2.0 for so long that I became upset with the idea of having to imagine an alternative.

It went on to happen with more people as I grew older. I’d be drawn in to their inspiring worldview, to their boldness, to their values. Only to be let down when I discovered “fatal differences”.

But the actual differences didn’t matter as much as their existence itself.

So there’s no objectively, generalizable correct path? What have they been teaching me, then?!

I started to feel and act rebellious in subtle ways. At times I even felt resentment for these people. I truly believed that their job was supposed to show me their path so that I can make it my own. But it turns out…

SPOILER ALERT: That wasn’t it!

Their job was to share their wisdom, my job was to integrate it in my own life. That’s it.

Instead of integrating their wisdom into my life, I saw their teachings as commandments of how to live my life.

I assumed I didn’t have to show up with my own view, because it was already given to me.

I assumed the path was made for me and I just showed up in an Uber to start my walk.

But my interpretation of the world IS unique.

I am not my dad, teacher, or guru, or my favorite online creator.

They’re awesome, especially my dad. I’m so grateful to them and I apply their lessons every day. But they’re not me, and that’s ok!

That’s great, actually. I can be me, myself.

So if you’re currently someone’s padawan, consider this:

Are you giving yourself the opportunity to learn AND do things your way?

-X